you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
