I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
