From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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