Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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