I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
