It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
