guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Four minutes until I can fart!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
