Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
