I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
