Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
