He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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