I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
