My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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