so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
