Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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