hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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