Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
