but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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