I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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