What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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