Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
