I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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