I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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