But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
