I wish I could teleport
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
