Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
