Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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