im drinking this country out of the recession.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
