youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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