i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
