My boss' voice literally gives me gas
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
