question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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