Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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