I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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