she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
