this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
