Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
