I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
