I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have post one night stand depression
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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