**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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