so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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