I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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