All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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