I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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