I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
