STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
