I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
