i already hear my dad disowning me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
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home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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