She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
