no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
