Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
