Can Purell be used as lube?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
