I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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