I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
