Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
