When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
