trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
