We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
