How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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