Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
