You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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