would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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