umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
