i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I did not marry a roomba.
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