Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
