I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
