Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
