I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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