YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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