I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".