I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
