What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
