I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
