It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm always down for nudity.
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