If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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