i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
