Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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