I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
